Having a good boyfriend or girlfriend, a marriage partner in general is not enough to protect it from collapse. On occasions it’s quite difficult to believe that sex in marriage is such a common issue but yes, it is. Human hormones are not the same, the same as our desires.
As you may know, sexual desire varies from person to person and often couples will have different levels of interest in sex. Some reason could be their environment, previous life experience, or something else. When these differences cannot be managed together then conflict or avoidance around the topic can arise which could lead to less than 10 times per year having intercourse with one another. Such avoidance and denial of sex are called Sexless Marriage.
Is it time to walk away from a sexless marriage?
A few factors may influence people’s decision whether to stay in a sexless marriage or to walk away. Either decision may look simple but it’s tough.
Prominent questions emanating from such situations include;
- Has one spouse fallen out of love with the other?
- Are there any major conflicts or disagreements?
- Are the parenting style no more conducive for both partners?
Have you considered how walking up will affect any children in this situation? Some people believe more than just two partners should have input on whether they stay together if couples do not feel fulfilled by their relationship. If these factors sound familiar, maybe now is the best time for both spouses to reflect on what makes them happy before making a final decision. What are some reasons why someone might want to consider divorce after years without sexual activity due primarily because of only one issue?
Causes of Sexless Marriages
Issues of sexless marriage don’t develop in a day. It takes time and years to build up. Here are the most common causes of Sexless Marriage:
Different Work Schedules
Many partners find themselves in this mess because of different working hours or busy lives. Assuming your partner works daytime whiles you work at night and hardly have a good time at home. Sex becomes very difficult to engage. Mostly the very time you are both homes, you might be tired enough to even remember pleasure.
It becomes worse for married couples with children. The stress alone in training and bring up children is enough to quench your taste for sexual desire. This could develop into chronic fatigue syndrome.
One of the most critical causes of a sexless marriage is adultery. Partners having affairs outside their marital homes may end up preventing the other from having intimate interests. An affair can have a devastating effect on the spouse who is cheated on. This could lead to reduced sexual interest in their partner, and if found out, they may wish for nothing more than the distance from them.
Lack of Sexual Vitality
This often results from age. Old age may lower a couple’s interest to have affair. There are many reasons why people can lose interest in sex, such as old age or past trauma. This lack of sexual vitality is known as asexuality and it may be due to the spouses’ incompatible orientations. It becomes worse in couples who are anti-social and never ready to learn something new.
Habituation is one of the many causes of sexless marriages. Research has proven that the longer partners are together, the more their sex life will stale. Studies have concluded that between one to two years into marriage can cause many people to lose their spark entirely. Well, this is human nature you know!!!
Science suggests that the human bodies change over time as well as we either stay together for a longer time or just age-catching up. So we don’t experience things like sexual desire or horniness anymore quite as intensely.
When to Walk Away From Sexless Marriage
The decision to walk away or divorce is a tough one. You are either thinking if the decision will be the best approach or just to stay and absorb the pain. Well, either choice must be well-thought to avoid regrets. These are few factors to check before stepping out of sexless marriage:
Partner’s Unwillingness to Improve
Finding yourself in a sexless marriage doesn’t feel good especially when your partner is unconcerned. However, if the partners are willing to attempt new experiences and embracing intimacy from various perspectives, this might be a chance for growth in areas that couples have not previously explored.
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The situation becomes worse when the affected partner holds off. When all means to get your partner’s hands-on board fails, there’s no other option to walk off the sexless marriage.
Incompatible Sexual Interests
Have you met people who have some sort of bizarre sex interests? It’s weird but it’s a very critical issue. Some persons prefer one-timer sex in a week whiles others prefer it daily. In this situation, the marriage becomes difficult to sustain.
Imagine the other partner never willing to give in at any point? There’s nothing actually you can do at this point than to walk off the marriage. Of course, there is a way out but that’s only if one person is willing to compromise, other than that the marriage won’t work. Why? Sex is vital in marriages irrespective.
Infertility Resulting from Sexlessness.
Imaging your sexless marriage is causing your inability to have children of your own. It becomes difficult and you may have no other option than to walk away. Science has proven that regular sex is needed to get pregnant even though one attempt could be helpful in some cases.
While sexual desire may appear to be the reason you or your spouse departed, it also shows a degree of disrespect for your relationship that might be too painful to overcome. Unless you and your husband are ready for some serious couple’s counseling, your marriage may not be sustainable, and you may be on the verge of divorce.
Sexless Marriage Solutions
Living a sexless marriage can be very frustrating especially when you still wish it works. Having children with the supposed partner makes matters worse. You sit confused wondering the impact of your decision. All said and done, you still need a viable solution without regrets. Here are some solutions for Sexless marriage:
- Speak to a Counselor: One of the good steps is first to speak to a marriage counselor about your situation. Be open-minded and open up everything to your partner. Where the problem emanates from your side, be bold and let your counselor know you have a role to play in the situation. Most often partners prefer narrating their good than their bad side. That makes matters worse. It’s better to be truthful and state your bad side and contribution as well. Don’t go about only pushing all the blame on your other half, knowing you are part of the problem. Be very honest, hopefully, a few counseling might get the sexless marriage fixed.
- Speak to your partner: Having an open discussion about your dissatisfaction with your marital life is one step to maintaining your marriage. Discuss with your spouse how to overcome the challenge. The discussion shouldn’t focus on blaming each other. You already know the problem so blaming each other adds nothing other than making it worse. Conclude on a decision and be firm about it.
- Have a Time-Table for sex: Where it becomes necessary, both partners may try to schedule sex. This may end up as part of family responsibilities. A few couples have confessed to solving this problem with this approach. Consider trying it.
Almost all of the time, living in a sexless marriage is indeed not worth it, and you should consider leaving. There may be a problem if your marriage has become more about ties with friends or family than with each other. It is critical to try to resolve these difficulties before calling them quits for good.
Therapy can assist couples who have been together for a long time get back on track by working through their issues. Choosing which path to pursue when faced with this option necessitates careful thought from all parties involved so that no one person feels used or abandoned while another feels guilty or sorry about pushing forward alone.