TL;DR: Sexless relationships are quite common, and this doesn’t mean the relationship lacks love as long as both partners are fine with not having sex. There are other forms of physical intimacy, like spooning. The relationship is on the rocks if all forms of emotional and physical intimacy are lacking.
While physical intimacy varies between couples, needing physical reassurance through touching, hugging, kissing, and hand-holding is part of human nature. Physical intimacy can form before emotional intimacy because couples are drawn together by sexual interest at the beginning of many relationships.
Causes of Lack of Intimacy
Stress is a leading cause, and it can come from any direction, including finances or work. Relaxing when you’re stressed can be challenging, causing a decreased sex drive. Schedules are another factor. Keeping the spark alive gets harder if both people work and rarely see each other.
However, sexless relationships are more common than many people think. According to a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, more than 15% of 18,000 married individuals hadn’t been sexually active in at least a year, and just over 13% hadn’t been active in five years. Those numbers tend to increase with age. Another study published in the Journals of Gerontology found that 40% of 1,900 married adults aged 57 to 85 had not had sex the previous year. Psychologists estimate that 50% of couples are in sexless relationships, defined as ones in which a couple has not had sex for at least a month, with this frequency being standard for half a year or more. This doesn’t mean the relationship lacks love. Couples don’t need sex to be in a satisfying relationship if they are on the same page regarding their sex life. What’s more, sexual intimacy is not the only form of physical intimacy; activities like spooning in a relationship also count.
Beyond stress and busy schedules, other factors contribute to the decline in physical intimacy. Health issues, pregnancy, post-childbirth changes, and aging often impact sexual activity. Hormonal imbalances, menopause, and medications such as antidepressants can also lower libido. Additionally, relationship conflicts, resentment, and past unresolved issues can create emotional distance, further diminishing physical intimacy.
Effects of Lack of Physical Intimacy
Self-esteem issues are one possible effect in relationships where physical intimacy is lacking. If someone’s partner shows no interest in them physically, they might feel they’re not attracted to them anymore, causing them to question themselves. They might start asking if there’s something wrong with them or try to find out why their partner is no longer interested in sexual activity. These issues with self-confidence can start impacting other areas of life outside the relationship, including at school or at work.
Additionally, the absence of physical intimacy can lead to emotional withdrawal. A lack of closeness may cause partners to feel disconnected, making communication more difficult and increasing the likelihood of misunderstandings. Over time, unresolved emotional disconnection can lead to increased irritability, reduced patience, and even long-term dissatisfaction in the relationship.
Another concern is the impact on mental health. Studies suggest that physical touch releases oxytocin, known as the “love hormone,” which fosters trust, bonding, and emotional well-being. When physical affection is absent, one or both partners may experience feelings of loneliness, anxiety, or depression.
Emotional Intimacy: A Crucial Factor
To answer the title question, one must look at the aspect of emotional intimacy. This is different from physical and involves being able to connect on a deeper level. You know you are emotionally connected when you and your partner feel loved, safe, secure, and trust each other. Building emotional intimacy takes time and often comes from behavior that conveys feelings. Emotional intimacy is often more challenging to achieve than physical intimacy because it involves trusting your partner. Your relationship is on the rocks if both emotional and physical intimacy have disappeared.
However, physical intimacy is not solely about sex—it includes everyday gestures that reinforce love and security. Holding hands, cuddling, affectionate kisses, and spending quality time together all contribute to a couple’s emotional connection. If both partners maintain these forms of intimacy, the relationship is still strong even if sexual frequency decreases.
How to Rekindle Physical and Emotional Intimacy
If you and your partner find yourselves struggling with a lack of physical or emotional intimacy, there are ways to reconnect:
- Open Communication – Talk openly about your needs, concerns, and feelings without judgment. Understanding each other’s perspectives can help remove barriers.
- Prioritize Quality Time – Spending uninterrupted time together fosters emotional closeness, whether it’s a date night, a shared hobby, or simply a deep conversation.
- Physical Affection Beyond Sex – Small, consistent gestures like hugs, kisses, and cuddling can rebuild a sense of closeness and security.
- Address Underlying Issues – If stress, health concerns, or unresolved conflicts are affecting intimacy, seek solutions together or consider professional guidance.
- Try New Experiences Together – Exploring new activities or traveling together can reignite passion and strengthen your bond.
Conclusion
A lack of physical intimacy does not automatically mean a relationship is failing, but it can be a sign of deeper issues if accompanied by emotional disconnection. Some couples thrive in low-sex or sexless relationships, provided they maintain emotional closeness and mutual satisfaction. However, if both physical and emotional intimacy are absent, it may indicate that the relationship is struggling.
Understanding the reasons behind the lack of intimacy and taking proactive steps to address them can help partners reconnect. Physical closeness, trust, and open communication are key pillars in maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship. By fostering emotional and physical connection, couples can navigate intimacy challenges and build a lasting, satisfying bond.
If you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship, consider seeking professional help or relationship counseling to gain insights and strategies tailored to your unique situation. A fulfilling partnership is built on trust, effort, and mutual understanding—nurture your bond, and intimacy will follow.
